STAMP OUT INJUSTICE

The injustice of misaligned perforations on bill payment stubs sends me over the edge, but this particular horrific injustice not only sends me over the edge, but throws me clear off the cliff onto a bed of glass shards: US Postage Stamps. We need to burn those suckers in a huge bonfire.

Yes, I am a dinosaur. I pay my bills with a paper check, an envelope and a postage stamp. Get over it. It works. No account info stored in my PC, no Firefox crashes in the midst of paying a bill online, and I can even pay my bills in the midst of a power outage if I so desire. I don't need to stinkin' electricity to pay my bills.

Check out the US Postal Service's first class 44-cent stamp page. What do you do with a stamp? You put it on a Damned Satellite TV bill. Do you really think the bill opening people look at what type of stamp you used? Do you think they have contests for the best looking stamp of the month? IT"S A FREAKIN' STAMP! It's going to be shredded, torn, mauled and mangled. No one is going to look at what stamp you put on the damned envelope, they only want what is IN it, not on it.

So, as I was doing stamp research for this post, I saw this on the US Postal Service stamp page:

WTF?

I'd have a problem putting a US Postage stamp that celebrates a Muslem holiday on an envelope, even if it is The Damned Satellite TV bill. Oh, don't go getting all PC on me. Do you know what that Arabic writing on that stamp means? Me neither, and isn't that the kicker? Next we'll being see stamps that say "Lick 1 for English". That stamp looks like a good representation of what NutJob does on the rug after she eats something she shouldn't. I do know what "EID" means though: Evil Infidels Die.

There is even a stamp recognizing the Simpsons:

No way should that happen after Marge posed for Playboy.

Do you know what this is supposed to be?

WRONG!

It's titled "Christmas: Virgin and Child with the Young John the Baptist" Young John the Baptist looks like a child molester to me. I just love it when Mary is depicted as having blond hair and blue eyes. Even though her eyes are closed here, you KNOW they are blue, 'cause the Virgin Mary was of Swedish descent. Yup. That's why there was no room at the inn. Discrimination at it's finest.

Then you have the Bridezillas.

Oh heaven help me. The stamp must match the engraved invitation or GASP! What will people think? I'll tell you what they think. They open their mailbox, see that invitation in there, and I can guarantee they do not say "Oh, look at the pretty stamp", but something more along the lines of "Oh crap."

I stick with the "Forever" stamps. Ugly as hell, but so aren't bills and wedding invitations.

CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: BUTT I LIKED IT

Clippings From the Fridge is a weekly series found here every Monday. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.


MBTA Groping Suspect: 'I Did It, And I Liked It'
Posted: 9:57 am EST November 3,2009
Updated 6;40 pm EST November 3, 2009

BOSTON: -- A man was arrested by Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority police and charged with assault in incidents on the Green Line. A Revere woman was on a Green Line trolley Monday night near Copley Station when she felt someone grab her buttocks. She turned to her friend and asked if she touched her, and heard a man say, "I did it. And I liked it," according to a police report. The woman told the man to stop, but he responded, "You will never see me again, so what does it matter? " Officers apprehended the man at Park Street Station. He was identified as William Carlyle, 52 of Boston.


So just when the gropee was about to deck her friend thinking she was the groper, this dude speaks up and admits he did it AND he liked it. At least he didn't say "I did it. And I didn't like it."

The groper was arrested and he'll get off with a slap on the butt, just like he did on the subway.

CREDITS:

Claire, Chief Research Editor

The Boston Channel dot com

Photo: My Fox Boston dot com

Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com

WHY I LOVE ME: SHOW ME THE MONEY

By now you all have seen the Maine state quarter. Perty, huh? It was the 23rd quarter released in the US Mint's 50 State Quarters Program.

Go pull out that Maine State quarter you've been hoarding the past six years and take a look.

Let's see...there's a lighthouse on a cliff, a pine tree, a schooner and a couple of seabirds. Yup. Sounds about right for a quarter representing Maine except there's no lobster. That's OK. They're creepy ugly things.

Maine became a state in 1820, so that explains the date on the top of the quarter. The pine tree is supposed to represent a white pine, the official state tree. Yeah, we've got pines, baby. Lots of 'em! But do you know the significance of the white pine to Maine?

Figures.

Maine is know for it's forestry industry with mills making paper, pulp and even toothpicks. Maine was actually the toothpick capital of the world until China (damned China) got their tiny little nimble hands in the mix. Now you know why those suckers are so flimsy (the Chinese toothpicks, not the Chinese. Wait. Never mind).

The white pine is also the largest conifer in the northeast United States. Some of the tallest trees in eastern North America were found right here in Maine and this is what made them so valuable as they made great ship masts. Maine's nickname is The Pine Tree State and almost 90% of Maine is forested. Yup. More trees, less people. Yay!

The lighthouse on the coin is based on Pemaquid Point Light, which marks the entrance to Muscongus and John Bays. If you ever come this way, be sure to go to Pemaquid for the day. Great little park with benches and picnic tables for the wusses, and very easily walkable flat ragged shoals for the rest of you. About 10,000 people visit Pemaquid a year. Bring a lunch and your camera and hope the fog doesn't roll in like it did for me in the photo below. Stinkin' fog.






That sailing vessel you see on the right of the coin is the schooner Victory Chimes. It is the last three-masted schooner of the Maine's windjammer fleet. "Windjammer" is a term for a large sailing vessel. Victory Chimes was built in Delaware in 1900 to carry lumber through the shallow bays and rivers of the Chesapeake. It's 132' long, the last three-masted schooner on the whole east coast and the largest passenger sailing vessel under US flag. It is registered as a National Historic Landmark. You can take a week-long Maine coastal cruise on the Victory Chimes after your day at Pemaquid.

The design for the quarter was open to all full-time and part-time Maine residents. Four designs were submitted to the US Mint and put before the Maine people for a vote. Over 100,000 people voted with the Pemaquid Lighthouse design winning because the other three sucked. Well, I thought they did.

Out of all the state quarters, you've got to admit, this is one of the nicest.

Now do you love ME?






Photo of Pemaquid Light in the fog: Me. I sacrificed a good hair day to get that shot.

Netstate.com

Victory Chimes