THE SPLINTER HUNTER
>> Monday, March 16, 2009
Splinters, like crap, happen. Just a part of life. You get one, you pull it out (the splinter, not the crap), you put some alcohol (isopropyl, not Stoli), maybe slap a Band-Aid on it and call it a day. It's a little tough to get a splinter out if it is on the knuckle of your middle finger of your dominant hand though.
I was working in the kitchen a few weeks ago, sanding some rough spots on the newly stripped Cabinets From Hell. I felt the splinter go in, it looked tiny, so I went on with my work. The next day when I woke up, my finger hurt, it was bright red at the knuckle and I could see a speck of Cabinet From Hell. I dropped the splinter tweezers in my pocketbook and went off to work. I had a few minutes before I had to put on the roller skates and Rambo pants for 8 hours so I thought I'd dig that splinter out.
A coworker saw me and came running over to my desk.
"What are you doing?" (eyes wide).
"Taking a splinter out."
"Want me to do it?" (drooling, rubbing hands together).
Since it was on my dominant hand, I readily agreed as I am not ambidextrous with a pair of tweezers. I handed them over to her.
She was like an eagle swooping down on its unsuspecting prey. She grabbed those tweezers and with one fluid move zeroed in, grabbed the minuscule splinter and pulled it out while yelling, "GOT IT!" while I was still looking for the damned thing.
Whoa! Was I impressed! Even the Terrorist, AKA Expert Splinter Remover, has never performed a splinter extraction that swift.
She exclaimed, "You needed to get that out! You could have lost your finger! It was infected! Look! There's pus!"
I looked. Yup. There was pus. A minuscule amount of it, but there nevertheless. I appeased her by dousing it in alcohol, putting Bacitracin on it and a Band Aid. All day she kept looking at my finger asking if it was alright.
Free skilled medical care right at your desk! Can it get any better? Wonder how she is at removing an appendix.
It was not nearly as bad as this:
I was working in the kitchen a few weeks ago, sanding some rough spots on the newly stripped Cabinets From Hell. I felt the splinter go in, it looked tiny, so I went on with my work. The next day when I woke up, my finger hurt, it was bright red at the knuckle and I could see a speck of Cabinet From Hell. I dropped the splinter tweezers in my pocketbook and went off to work. I had a few minutes before I had to put on the roller skates and Rambo pants for 8 hours so I thought I'd dig that splinter out.
A coworker saw me and came running over to my desk.
"What are you doing?" (eyes wide).
"Taking a splinter out."
"Want me to do it?" (drooling, rubbing hands together).
Since it was on my dominant hand, I readily agreed as I am not ambidextrous with a pair of tweezers. I handed them over to her.
She was like an eagle swooping down on its unsuspecting prey. She grabbed those tweezers and with one fluid move zeroed in, grabbed the minuscule splinter and pulled it out while yelling, "GOT IT!" while I was still looking for the damned thing.
Whoa! Was I impressed! Even the Terrorist, AKA Expert Splinter Remover, has never performed a splinter extraction that swift.
She exclaimed, "You needed to get that out! You could have lost your finger! It was infected! Look! There's pus!"I looked. Yup. There was pus. A minuscule amount of it, but there nevertheless. I appeased her by dousing it in alcohol, putting Bacitracin on it and a Band Aid. All day she kept looking at my finger asking if it was alright.
Free skilled medical care right at your desk! Can it get any better? Wonder how she is at removing an appendix.
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13 comments:
That lady would scare me... I'm not to happy having someone else coming at me with "implements of destruction" and attempting to remove foreign objects from my person... just give me an electric sander and I'll grind the damn thing out myself.
That picture made me a bit squeamish. Yikes!
Hubby sometimes has splinter removal duty. He's very good at it. I'm not very patient. If my appendix burst, I'm going to the ER though!
splinters are the worst... especially metal ones that burrow in between your finger and the nail, in fact.. those are my favorites.
and that fork picture made me cry a little.
ouch.
The fork photo threw me into gut spasms until I found out it wasn't anyone related to you.
I'm sorry... I couldn't get past the thought of you in roller skates and rambo pants. I'm gonna have to see a picture of that one!
You really need to post a warning before showing that fork through the nose picture. That was gross. Now, there's a kid who REALLY didn't want to eat his vegetables.
thats why i dont eat with a fork...
TJ: You are so wise. I never would have thought of a sander. I have now added one to my medicine cabinet.
RG: With health care costs as they are, an impromptu appendectomy by a receptionist might be a viable alternative. Can you believe how many big words I just used in that last sentence?
Orion: Yeah, under the nail splinters are a but of a nuisance. Ewww.
Dana: Apparently that kid was at a Chinese buffet, and tripped getting back in his booth. This is what happens when people go to places that serve deep fried cat.
LL: Yup. I am styling in THAT outfit!
Joel: Warnings? Nah. I like to surprise those that come to Drivel Land. Keeps your blood flowing.
Nooter: Smart move. Do all dogs think like you?
I always leave them to come out by themselves. It's part of my high risk-taking personality. Now ticks, that's another story.
ps Thanks for changing the link.
PHFL: Livin' on the edge, eh? Ticks certainly are another story, those evil Satanic blood suckers.
PS: Glad to oblige!
Wow, that fork picture is grisly. Yuck!
Sorry to hear about the splinter. Like someone else said above, they are the worst!
Happy belated St. Patrick's Day to all.
The CC: Nothing like a fork up your nose!
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