DEBBIE DOES DRIVEL: UPDATE: "HEY, BABY!" LILIES, JUNE 7, 2009

Is this getting old, or what?

Virginia, my former neighbor, gave me one clump out of many of her "Hey, Baby!" lilies before she moved. Today when I walked by her former home, her "Hey, Baby!" lilies are all in bloom, and here are mine:

The buds may be a little bigger than last week. Big deal.

Today while out in the yard, Mrs. Kravitz, the skinhead neighbor, walked across the street to holler at me. She had on her usual khaki skirt, Hush Puppies, white button down shirt and navy blue sweater. Her husband dresses the same way but in pants, not a skirt...at least in public. I think she really came across the street to flirt with Mr. Man who was outside with me.

"Hello! Yoo Hoo! Debbie! Oh, DEBBIE!"

I was trying to ignore her, but Mr. Man is too polite and waved and yelled hello. It's just one more reason he is going to heaven and I am not.

She babbled, "Isn't this a mahvelous spring? Just mahvelous, don't you think?"

WTF? I had the heat on last week, northern Maine had a frost, the "Hey, Baby" lilies have yet to bloom and I STILL don't have all the screens in the windows 'cause it's too frigging cold and this moron thinks because today it hit 75 degrees that all spring has been "just mahvelous."

I looked at Mr. Man, he continued to make small talk with her, so I ran in the house to get the BB gun. By the time I came back out she was back across the street in her Nazi camp practicing painting swastikas for the 4th of July parade. Damn.

Maybe it's her fault those "Hey, Baby!" lilies are scared to death to bloom.

10 comments:

ReformingGeek, June 7, 2009 9:20 PM: Oh, your poor flowers. Keep talking sweetly to them and maybe they'll open up. Keep Mr. Man around to talk to that neighbor. What a guy!
Deb, June 7, 2009 9:46 PM: RG: Talk sweetly to those late bloomers? Isn't it enough that I talk sweetly to Mr. Man?
MVD, June 8, 2009 12:19 AM: For your sake, you'd better hope that your "skinhead neighbor" is a card-carrying member of the Nazi SS. If she's a cancer patient, you're passing purgatory and going directly to hell.

Funny, funny stuff.
LL, June 8, 2009 12:58 AM: You? Talk sweetly to something? Bwahahahahaha! Now that's funny...

I think it's one of those things along the lines of a watched pot never boils and such...
Tattoo Jim, June 8, 2009 6:05 AM: Just ignore them Deb... that's what my wife does if she wants something to grow. If she tries to take care of them, they act like cats... if she ignores them, they'll actually get out of their beds and pots and such and come after her, begging for attention... might just work up there in the land of ice.
Deb, June 8, 2009 6:37 AM: MVD: That witch is too evil to get cancer. A few weeks ago she was chasing little kids down the street who were skateboarding. She's like Elvira Gulch from the Wizard of Oz, but with a Nazi twist.

LL: Hey, I DO have my moments (far and few).

TJ: For the last two weeks I kept thinking those lilies would bloom in just a few more days. Their brothers and sisters are all in bloom next door. Peer pressure, I guess.
nonamedufus, June 8, 2009 9:11 AM: Hey Deb sorry about your shy lilies. But, hey, what about those outgoing waiters and waitresses? Why didn't you tell us that the topless coffee place burned down!? Place musta been too hot for the community to handle.
Nooter, June 8, 2009 10:30 AM: oh if you poop on her lawn she will stop being so sociable, trust me i know.
Chris @ Maugeritaville, June 8, 2009 12:32 PM: Maybe I'm being too analytical here, but this post reads like a suburban, Nazi-influenced, slightly-in-need-of-medication "To Kill a Mockingbird" with you as Scout, your man as Atticus and the Nazi across the street as the neighbor lady whose name escapes me at the moment.
Deb, June 10, 2009 6:12 PM: Nonamedufus: You dufus, you. If you had been reading this blog all along (cough, cough), you would have read my post (two below this one) titled Grand View of the Ashes, informing you of the demise of the naked boobies. Fear not, the owner wants to rebuild and set up a tent giving out coffee and donuts and asking for donations since the Bozo did not have insurance.

Nooter: I will run right over there and poop on her weeds! She does not have a garden. Nothing grows under her care, they all just wither and die.

Chris@MVille: Never thought of that. Her name is Mrs. Kravitz and she is pure evil in her khaki skirt and button down oxford white shirt with the starched collars. Her own children do not visit her on holidays and one of them is married with kids and lives right here in town just a few miles away.