HBDC ROAD TRIP: MAINE

Welcome to Maine, the last US stop on the Humor Bloggers Road Trip! Maine is known as the state where "Yah can't get theyah from heyah".

You're stay here is only for two days because Debbie's Maine Law mandates "after two days fish and company go bad", so you flatlanders are outa here Friday at 12:01 a.m.

Now that we got all that out of the way, grab your cameras, comfy shoes, a parka and let's board the caravan of 1987 Ford pickup trucks with brand new rope holding the bumpers on, gun racks in the back, and fancy Adirondack chairs tied together in the beds for your comfort as you view the sites of Maine. Black fly swatters are complimentary, my little gift to you.

Some basic info for you:

Maine is larger than all the New England states put together.
No other state leads the nation in percentage of vacation homes.
There are 1.2 million people living on 33,215 square miles with 3,500 miles of coastline and 4,613 islands.
We have 22 different styles of license plates.

We'll start our journey with a drive-by of Baxter State Park and Mt. Katahdin, the highest mountain in Maine (elev. 5,267 ft). This is where the Appalachian trail begins/ends and continues for 281 miles with the most difficult portions of the APT right here in Maine. There are few roads in Baxter State park, all primitive, so try to get some shots of Katahdin while our drivers avoid the moose and the ruts in the road 'cause I'm not hiking up that thing.

Done? It's about time. This ain'[t no stroll through the park you know. We've got lots to cover so pick up the pace, will ya?

We'll now head south to Mt. Desert Island, home to Acadia National Park, one of the most unique of all the National Parks, as it's where the mountains meet the sea. There are towns interspersed within the park, all unique in character. Northeast Harbor is home to the wealthy (including that witch Martha Stewart who has a summer home there), Southwest Harbor is a quaint lobstering town, and the quintessential New England tourist town of Bar Harbor (pronounced Bah Habah).

We'll stop here for part of the day in the park and you can all go your own way via any of the 8 free Island Explorer propane-powered buses. Here are just some of the ways you can chose to spend time:

Ride up to the top of Cadillac Mountain (elev. 1,532 feet), the highest point along the North Atlantic seaboard and the first place to view sunrise in the US from October 7 to March 6. After March 7, Kansas is the first state to see the sun.

Walk around Bar Harbor (pronounced "BahHabah") where you can shop, eat and even take a 2-hour sail on the four-masted schooner Margaret Todd with it's eye-catching red sails.

Go out with Diver Ed and experience the Dive-In Theater just off shore. If it's low tide, take a short walk out to Bar Island via the sandbar and explore. But one thing you MUST do here is head over to the Jordan Pond House for popovers on the lawn overlooking the pond and the North and South Bubbles. After the popovers you can explore the some more by riding in a horse-drawn carriage along the many carriage roads passing by waterfalls, forests and stone bridges.

Glad to see you all made it back in time. Climb back in your respective truck beds and let's move on. Next stop is Timber Tina's Great Maine Lumberjack show in Ellsworth where you'll see the lumberjacks and lumberjills do their thing.

Scary huh? More proof of that age-old saying, "Maine: Where the men are men and so are the women".

We're now heading down the coast to Belfast where we'll visit Perry's Nut House, a mini South of the Border type tourist stop with a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing, but one heck of a view of Belfast Harbor. That was quick. Get back in your trucks and hold on to your nuts 'cause the roads aren't the best in Maine. We're heading further south to the picturesque town of Camden where Peyton Place, In the Bedroom, Thinner, and many other movies have been filmed.

We are now at Camden Hills State Park, divided by US Route 1. Most of the park including Mt. Megunticook and Mt. Battie is on one one side of the road, the smaller part and Penobscot Bay are on the other. Both sides have very well maintained trails and hiking paths, but today we'll drive to the top of Mt. Battie where there is a World War 1 monument and a breath-taking view of Camden village, my house, the harbor, and the islands of Penobscot Bay. Hurry up and finish taking those photos 'cause we're off to the town landing where your kayaks await.

God, you flatlandah's are slow. Now put on your PFDs (landlubber translation: life jacket), pick up your paddles and get in your kayaks. For heaven's sake though, never lean over the side of a kayak. You'll only do it once because the water rarely gets much higher than 62 degrees out here. We're paddling on out to Curtis Island to see the bald eagles and then off to Rockport Harbor where Andre the seal lived and you can all photograph the statue of Andre's likeness once we go ashore.

There's always one. Damn you Tattoo Jim! I figured of all people you would have sense enough not to lean over that far. Stinkin' flatlandah thinks he can shoot a striped bass with his rifle. Now we have to wait for him to dry out and get his act together so you might as well all grab your sleeping bags and call it a night. I'm going back home for a nice hot shower and a gin and tonic. I'll meet you in the morning and we'll begin and end day 2 of the Humor Bloggers Road Trip in Maine.

Note: If you are truly interested in more Maine stuff, click the Why I Love ME tab at the top of this blog. Freakin' Maine Chamber of Commerce owes me big time.