CLIPPINGS FROM THE FRIDGE: LIFE SAVERS COME IN LOVE HANDLES NOW?
>> Monday, March 1, 2010
Clippings From the Fridge is a weekly series found here every Monday, inspired by the Two Nuns, One Gun story. These are wacky true news stories straight from the insanity fringe of society.
Woman Says Her Love Handles Saved Her Life
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. -- A Florida woman said her love handles saved her life when she was shot entering an Atlantic City bar. Samantha Lynn Frazier said she heard two pops when she walked into Herman's Place early Saturday. The 35-year-old then felt pain and saw blood on her hand after she grabbed her left side.
Atlantic City police said Frazier was an innocent bystander.
Detective Lt. Charles Love said the gunman was aiming for a man who escaped with only a bullet hole in his down jacket.
The shooter is described as a 5-foot-5-inch male weighing about 200 pounds. The suspect remains at large.
Frazier told The Press of Atlantic City that 'I could have been dead. They said my love handles saved my life."
Frazier also told the newspaper that she had been "hollering" that she wanted to lose weight. She now said "I want to be as big as I can if it's going to stop a bullet."Apparently Samantha Lynn Frazier is a few twists short of a Slinky. If Sam had NO "love handles", the short square dude that couldn't aim, likely due to his own love handles being a hindrance, would have missed her completely. Sam now thinks she has the perfect excuse to increase her Twinkies and Doritos intake so she can make herself the biggest target she possibly can. What logic.
Press of Atlantic City
Modesto Bee
Thanks to Wirecutter from Knuckledragging My Life Away who has shown me that the Modesto Bee is an endless source of wackiness.
Send your true, wacky news stories with "Clippings" in the subject line to DebbieDoesDrivel@gmail.com
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14 comments:
She is a beaut!
Well Deb... I think she should probably take advice from the intended target of the shooter. He was probably thin as a rail but wore a huge down jacket. Looked like a target, but as it turned out he was just a whisker.
And here's another question... how could a love handle possibly save your life? Was she shot from the front, behind, or side? If she was shot from the side and her love handle stopped the bullet... that's slightly more than a love handle.
It takes all kinds! For some people, any excuse is a good excuse to eat garbage. As they say, "garbage in, garbage out"!
I think it's a hoax. I bet that bullet took one look at this beauty queen and expired from fear.
Five foot five... 200 pounds. The man remains at large?
Seems like he'd be easy enough to pick out of a crowd.
Um.....yeah. I don't think logic is a strong point.
I read the title wrong. I thought it said "Clapping from the fridge..." I was sure she had a clapper of something, don't really know how that would work but, it's been a long day.
Somebody just turned up the banjo music... I really believe that the "human experiment" is a major failure after reading this... and we wonder why we've never been contacted by "others"??????
Waiter!!! Check please!!!!
Samantha could have been saved her tragic bloodshed if she'd had no love handles. Likewise, if Abraham Lincoln had been shorter, he would not have been shot in the head.
if she perseveres, you know, becomes a regular at pizza palaces all-you-can-eat friday nights, then she could be sent over to guard our troops in iraq
I'm going to let my wife know about this one. Honey, I've got love handles now because I love you and the kids so much that I want to live in case I'm shot.
I'm with Canadian Blend on the shooter - 5' 5" and 200 lbs? He's not a suspect at large. He's a large suspect!
Theoretically, if she got really, really huge, the bullet could have been caught up in orbit around her and not touched her at all. SAVE YOURSELF - EAT MORE TWINKIES!
The magic bullet theory at its finest.
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